my slightly off life

2010-08-09T05:49:00.002-04:00

DISCLAIMER

This blog has resurfaced recently, and for some reason I remembered the e-mail and password. So I wanted to give anyone who stumbles upon this an update on my life.

This is the funniest, most nostalgic, and embarrassing thing I the honor of writing. It's so funny to read all the things I was obsessed about at the age of 15, maybe 16 in later entries. I am now 22-years-old and I no longer worry obsessively about boys, or my weight or how "crappy" my life is.

I wish I could talk to the girl that I was and shake her and tell her to stop being such an emo dork and just enjoy your life. It's funny, because looking back now I remember having so much fun in high school. I had four really close friends that meant a lot to me and we were always having a good time. It's kind of sad to think that I am forever immortalized on the web as some pathetic girl who even wished she had (and I quote) "diabetes so that [she] would have to stay on a diet or else [she] would die."

She seems like such a stranger. I remember having insecurities but I just can't believe how blatantly I put them out there for the whole world to see. Even if the world never saw it, all my friends passed around their blogs. I don't remember the reason, but I think it was supposed to be cool and a way to let everyone know how we really felt without bringing everyone down in social situations. Either way, I was an embarrassing addition to our group if you would look solely at these entries. I had very few enlightening things to say, and to be honest I was quite selfish in my view of the world.

Now-a-days, I'm happy to say that I'm in a relationship with a great guy, who loves me for all my quirks, my crazy antics, my opinions, and most of all for how weird I am. We started talking to each other a little over two years ago and have been dating for a little over a year. Also I've been kissed many, many times since my fears of never being kissed were expressed in these entries. I've also graduated from college with an awesome GPA and a great internship at the Make-A-Wish Foundation under my belt.

Those are just a few of the reasons I would like to meet that silly, insecure, naive, stupidly jealous and sometimes embarrassingly awkward girl and tell her everything would work itself out and it just takes time.

PS: I'm happy to say that I've kept in touch with Annie, Steph, and Lacey through all these years so even though I shared my crazy insecurities they stuck by me and I can't thank them enough for putting up with me :D .

2004-04-03T15:26:00.001-05:00

new site www.stewieisagenus.blogdrive.com
go forth and conquer

2004-02-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

wow...long time since i wrote....wow i start off most of my posts like that. im in digital photography i dont like it im sick and stuffy no fun at alll....i want to go home. but if i go home i might not be able to go to play practice tonight and i have to go. ugh.

2003-10-25T16:23:00.000-04:00

hi everybody im looking very sexy today...i dont really know why...dude i went to bed as soon as i got home from the show and didnt wake up until 2:30. god i was wiped out! stupid school/slash not sleeping on saturday night and so ive been screwed up this whole week. so tonights the halloween parade. woot. oh yeah i made out with will and now im kinda regretting it. i mean yeah it was fine when it happened but now it's been a week and he hasnt even talked to me. sad. but the show last night was great even tho the reason i went was to talk to will and the guy didnt show, whatever. but im sad i didnt get to see the twirpsplay...waaaah wow that's annoying well i just thought that i would post cuz i havent in like 2 weeks but now im bored so ill write later

2003-10-12T12:46:00.000-04:00

alrighty! i know i haven't posted in forever but that's because my computer was being pissy. but luckily Felix came over with my brother and fixed it! Thank god! So last night was fun my family have a pig roast fun fun joanie got to stay over and OMG that girl has to be the sweetest person in the world! She spent the night and that was great, we tried to watch like four movies with zach justin and Felix but that really didn't work out we were all too tired. justin and zach just left in the middle of American beauty and we watched a little more but i got bored and almost fell asleep. So then we went upstairs and bothered justin a bit and joanie me and Felix talked until 4:30 and the great thing is he seemed interested in joanie!!!!! Now usually if a guy was paying more attention to my friends i would get all sad and depressed about it like why doesn't he like me? but nope not this time! She deserves all the guys she can get because she's gorgeous and really really really really really sweet and im not kidding at all! the reason i think he does is because i was walking down the stairs because i had to get something and on the way down i heard him ask joanie if she had a b/f...see we were asking him all these questions about himself so he would stay awake it worked but OMG i like danced down the stairs when i heard him say that but when i got back up there they weren't closer or anything so damn it! but i asked her later when we were back in my room but nope he only asked that and nothing more which is total crap!! haha it was fun im just gonna jot some stuff down to remember and then im gonna write more about them in my traveling jounal in more detail. Took a walk(sounds boring but it wasn't), kyaking, hand game, staring contest, scaring. That's about it

OMG I FORGOT TO WRITE THIS!!!!! IM IN SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK!!! AND!!!!! I HAVE A NAME! My like 6th play and i finally finally have a name you have no clue how much that means to me! For mark and sandy and Tracy to actually think i was good enough to have a name! haha that sounds kinda funny!

i have a new favorite show!! Queer eye for the straight guy...but they got rid of jai! Where's my jai! i need him! but hey kyan mmm he is my gay eye candy, and Carson my gay joke box!

2003-09-13T03:01:00.000-04:00

holy jeez i havnt posted in like forever...mmmm show tonight it was spectacular. mosh fu-ing fun annie has massive bruises mmm im in pain headache galore...woot...no not woot ow! i will post more later...i stole annies computer

2003-08-26T14:04:00.000-04:00

look what mike sent me!!

I feel the wetness of her tongue
that slides across my skin
the viruses crawl over me and feel for some way in
cassie loves to swallow
this bleeding will not stop
I left cassie hollow
cut you with my cock
cassie likes it in her hand
cassie's dead inside
I came to fuck the open wound
so hold it open wide
cassie loves to swallow
this bleeding will not stop
I left cassie hollow
cut you with my cock

hmmm
that's a bit odd...it's a song i think he wont tell me who it's by

2003-08-18T14:33:00.000-04:00

yo what up homies? im in the library at the moment and there is a majorly hot guy downstairs in the kiddie section whoo baby. im bored my brother said he was gonna drop me off at 2 at the library cuz he has some girl coming over but no, we left at freaking 12 i didnt even get to see the end of e.r. it makes me rather sad i have 15 more minutes on this computer go me! sniffle i miss everyone i havent seen anyone since last sunday when i was at janaes... im going to the fair today with og and more importantly chris who is strange but very drool worthy it's brads last day im thinking i should do something nice but im stupid and havent done anything. aww there's a girl dancing in circles by the main desk! so i made my shirt it says heathers in the front and lick it up in the back but the stupid k is already falling off stupid iron ons...oh yeah i wanted to say something about the fair...im going to the sausage place and im gonna talk to annie and kimmy real quick cuz idont want them to get in trouble that way i will have seen my friends! score go me!! oh damn i guess i was supposed to write a story for og well whatever i did one last week i can wait on my whole curvy is in story...cuz baby curvy IS in muhahah okay just went a little crazy there...so i saw kathy (the director) here she was tutoring and she said hi...wow that was amazing haha im such a looney bin! argh 8 days (give or take a couple hours) till school start...argh

2003-08-17T00:48:00.000-04:00

CHOOSE DUCKIE NOT BLANE

HEATHERS

CORNNUTS

LICK IT UP

dont mind me im just seeing what i should make my shirt say

2003-08-17T00:47:00.000-04:00

when i grow up
i want to be just like you
always screwing with people
never caring what you do

in case you cant tell
im being sarcastic halfwit
your so cruel and mean and
a shit head in everyway

okay i have no clue what that was im just extremely bored

oooooooooooooooooooh im so bored
i could shoot myself
im so bored i could play with a ball
beating my head against the wall

life is boring i just want to live
but i cant rhyme words so i suck

haha i like that that's a keeper

2003-08-17T00:32:00.000-04:00

im not doing anything worth mentioning...i went school shopping yesterday and that's about all i have done the bordom ensues!

2003-08-10T19:41:00.000-04:00

COMPLETELY OVERWHELM ME!!!!!!!!!!

2003-08-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

so yes im listening to some radio thingy and it's keeps skipping ive listened to 2 whole songs in the past 15 minutes...wow stupid computer

and i want to get free talk to me i can feel you falling and i wanted to be all you need somehow here is gone

i went to the show last night and had oodles of fun but i got stepped on cuz some ppl were mosh fu-ing it it was hilarious lacey went into her own seperate corner and just started like moving her hands (mosh fu style) and just was kicking around she cracks me up!

now im tired and idont want to write anymore that's really strange i was in a total mood too write and all of a sudden i dont want to..hmm whatever!

2003-08-08T21:35:00.000-04:00

so yes i have two songs stuck in my head at the moment...the meow mix song and this awesome song i heard on dawson's creek (shut up! its a good show) see joey was in a beauty contest to win dawson's heart or something and so she sang this song that is like how she feels about dawson but its a song from les miserables and it's called on my own and really all i can remember is "on my own...pretending he's beside me...on my own ill with with him till morning" and it's really good! i love that song and im so gonna go buy the soundtrack to that show, that's sad really haha but who gives a damn

so i cut my hair yesterday...i personally. not meaning i cut my hair when really it was my mom or some beautician i actually cut it...just the bangs but in the morning it's all facked up but whatever...i think i look like lizzie maguire...oh damn.

kevin sent me some site that has all to do with leonardo davinci...and i can not figure it out! he wasnt lying when he said that riddles were hard! im starting work in like one week..stupid fair!

now im singing to stephy oh how i love her

bored now ta

2003-08-06T15:24:00.000-04:00

im starting to hate the fair already and i havent even started working! first i have to get working papers and then i have to get a physical and my mom cant even get a physical appt. for me until the day i start work its just crap. i may refuse to work there but i wouldnt do that to kimmy...too bad her uncle isnt just a normal carnie who doesnt believe in working papers damn it!

2003-08-06T14:40:00.000-04:00

I LOVE BOLD REMARKS

stupid blog doesnt do what i want it to

2003-08-05T22:43:00.000-04:00

aw crap i have to get a physical damn it!

2003-08-05T21:58:00.000-04:00

Wow, I'm surprised you haven't passed out yet. Fear
not, sleep will be coming to claim you sooner
than you think.

How Badly Do You Need To Sleep?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-05T21:45:00.000-04:00

since i am so utterly bored im going to take a million quizes..okay maybe not a million but alot!

Spontaneous combustion sucks, doesn't it?

Sucks to be you because...
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-05T21:32:00.000-04:00

well for the past week or so ive been bored outta my mind and ihavent been writing anything at all. so yes

well nate and stephy broke up. annie and pete hooked up. and i am still utterly single. yay! so that's basically what has happened all this week

there was a car chase in our little town. the police chased some woman from venago county and stoped her at our little movie theater she had a gun and was crazy..i have no idea what happened after that cuz i was dumb and didnt watch the news but oh well i was there when it happened

so im bored been bored for a bit...oh yeah i went to jills on wednesday and the night consisted of talking and eating...she types slow!! haha its only the truth hun.

so last night some creep started to talk to me and of course he has to say the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me but NOO!! he's a huge creep...damn him

bored

2003-07-28T21:15:00.000-04:00

so bored! there's nothing to do..im just looking up some lyrics...robert just gave me a name tag cool

"maybe i should give her time" that's a great song...i enjoy it yes haha

dude school starts in a month im a sophmore! and justin's a senior that's not cool! geez im tired... i shouldnt be i slept in until like 2 cuz i couldnt get to sleep im so dumb haha

damn i want to get kissed again...geez when it hasnt happened at all and then all of a sudden guys just kiss you, you just want more! damn it! i wont get kissed again for a while! it was 3 months in between beaver and adam and only a week between adam and beaver hahah that's really odd...and sad...sigh ive only kissed two boys whatever IVE KISSED BOYS im so strange...i am no longer a loser muhahaha yay

2003-07-27T23:34:00.000-04:00

I LOVE...HMM...GOTTA THINK ABOUT THIS...LETS JUST SAY ALOT OF THINGS! YAY

i love sherry and her awesoem b-day party i had so much fun spent alot of time with trish and erin and stephy i missed stephy so much and i love her to death. mandy couldnt come cuz she was sick stupid colds and annie couldnt come cuz she was in stupid maryland! so yes it was awesome!

alrighty next i love shows. i went to tonights show so pumped cuz hey first show since last saturday! yay! but bad things tend to happen to me at shows! i always end up kissing a guy...geez im turning into one of those show sluts! no! thats bad! so yeah i went got too hot upstairs went downstair and found beaver who i hadnt seen in a long time! so i just gave him a hug and then finally met his brother will and will wanted me to makeout with him and when i wouldnt because i didnt want to he bit me! ow! and it hurt! then beaver wanted me to make out with him so dude! brothers! but i wouldnt kiss either of them but beaver jus went a head and kissed me! and later i kissed him again bad cassie bad!

but i feel bad because i really went to spend time with sherry and erin but i feel like i ignored them i dont want to be the ignorer friend!

oh man tonight was awesome too because i was wearing my jimmy eat world shirt and jason from almost cool loves them and i totally thought he was joking but he wasnt all his bandmates kept seeing me and saying "jason come over here look at this girls shirt" and everytime he was like oh man i love jimmy eat world...i never thought to buy a shirt but now i am! haha i love them!

well signing off cuz justin wants to sign on..ooh poetic! nigheveryone

2003-07-20T14:41:00.000-04:00

if only i had more time i take you where you wanted to go, and if i had only one wish i want a million trillion lifetimes that i could spend with you...falling in love with you again and again!

i like the ataris...they're sexy and mmm good haha campbells mmm....i need to go shower i smell...oh and if kevin is reading this blog i tried to reply but my computers being stupid and said it didnt deliver it so ill just have to send it again later!

2003-07-20T14:20:00.000-04:00

Good Intentions: A local punk band here. They're
out of Erie, PA, but play lots of shows in
Meadville and Edinboro. Definately look into
them if you haven't already heard of them. (It
doesn't hurt that their singer is insanely hot
and sexy).

Which Kick-Ass Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

THEYRE BREAKING UP!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO

2003-07-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

oh baby

2003-07-20T00:00:00.001-04:00

Ariel, princess of the sea. You've got a beautiful
voice and, even though you have some scales,
you're beautiful, anyways. You've got a real
longing to be somewhere else. Who could blame
you? It looks way better than where you are,
right?

Which Disney Princess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

MUHAHAAHAHAHA i got kissed....dude! weird...right after i give up on love hehe still dont want it tho

2003-07-17T21:07:00.000-04:00

so yes i am finally here

sorry i just started to type and that's what came out! well today was fun we (pete annie and i) went downtown to get annie's amp. we got it then as we're walking out the door to put the amp in pete's car we saw brian and seth at in phase. so we went in, and seth looks like jack sparrow! it was great. he was like i have to shave, and annie and i are both like no! haha he's a sweet kid. so we went places market place to be exact and then they left

so later pete left and annie and i went downtown, we went to cards and comics and i saw james(not jayme! cant call him that) it was fun. then went into country fair and saw adam harry who i havent seen since like october, but he still recognized me! it was stellar. so yes

woot! this was my past two days for guys...woot...too bad that's gonna be the only time haha sigh.......

I WANT YOU BUT IM NOT GIVING IN THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD BYE TO YOU!!!!!!!

2003-07-17T15:09:00.000-04:00

haha annie's just playing her electric she's having fun

i just read erins blog she's been writing alot and i didnt even know about her problems or anything *sigh*

so tired

BLAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so bored

hmm
i was at conneut lake park with annie yesterday *coughloveyouanniecough* and we saw a kat look alike...mmm kat lookalike...he looked at me tehehe and we kept riding the blue streak to hopefully sit near him and on the last ride we got to sit in front of him heheheheheheh god im so jonesing for that i even flirted with gorman...who is in china that's sad but hey he is cute but scary...(annie just screamed) and after that kat lookalike i got handcuffed to a strange boy...scary thye were kinky handcuffs too...:P but annie and i were just standing there and like eight guys just swarmed over! it was fun...and there were the miles twins..mmmm twins hahha

2003-07-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

Im bored so im making a list of my favorite 48 things using cards from scatgories
FAVORITES
boys name ~ hal, hunter, mike, joel
us cities~ i like meadville!
things that are cold~ ice cream of course!
School supply~ cant go wrong with a pencil
pro sports team~ hmm penguins? no lakers
insects~ probably the butterfly...i think that's an insect
breakfast food~ french toast
funiture~ a nice comfy chair
tv shows~ oh boy,E.R., buffy, supermarket sweep, the o'keefes, trigger happy tv, south park and oh so many more
things found in the ocean~ sand
President~ hmm roosevelt...the second one
Product names~ 409...it's the name of a song
Famous Females~ sandra bullock, sarah michelle gellar, megan follows, maggie gyllenhal
medicine/drugs~ antibiotics!
things made of metal~ a spoon!
hobbies~ singing and writing
people in uniform~ i like fire fighters
things you plug in~ why this here computer
animals~ hand down cats
languages~ german and french
names used in the bible~ i love the name rebecca
junk food~ ice cream
things that grow~ trees
companies~ i love mickey d's
baby foods~ i dont really like baby food
famous duos and trios~ evanessence, evan and jeron,
things found in a desk~ POST ITS!
vacation spots~ i got a new favorite! nantucket
diseases~ i have no favorite disease
words associated with money~ cash, buck
items in a vending machine~ CANDY!
movies~ wow, um fight club, heathers, french kiss, all of sandra bullocks movies, tess of the d'urbervilles, moulin rouge, anne of green gables, real women have curves, simply irrestistable, harvard man heartbreakers, american beauty cider house rules, and oh so many more
games~ scatagories!
things that you wear~ hmm clothes?
beers~ beer sucks
things at a circus~ those cruely treated elephants
veggies~ all of 'em
states~ new york and of course pa
things you throw away~ hmm garbage?
occupations~ a writer
appliance~ microwave
cartoon charactors~ the cast of south park
types of drinks~ any kind really
musical groups~ rooney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good intentions, twirps, almost cool, and oh so many more
store names~ wal mart!
things at a football game~ the food!
trees~ hmm i think weeping willow
persnality traits~ you must have humor!

so there you have it 48 random favorite things

2003-07-11T14:30:00.000-04:00

I'd rather be dreaming than living.
Living's just too hard to do.
It's chances not choices
Noises not voices the day's just a thing to get through
Living's just too hard to do.

I'd rather be dreaming than talking
There's nothing to hear or to say
With ears covered mouth closed the world is opposed
Nothing gets in or away
There's nothing to hear or to say

I'd rather be dreaming than thinking
Thoughts are small comfort to me
Dreams might be pretend but at least dreams end
And I just can't stop thinking you see
Thoughts are small comfort to me

I'd rather be dreaming than sleeping
Just sleeping you're just as well dead
In dreams I can fly, in dreams I don't die
That's why I lie here in this bed
Just sleeping you're just as well dead

I'd rather be dreaming

I have been searching for that song for like 3 years! i finally found it thanks to meli kuhta because she had it on her info! score!

2003-07-11T14:02:00.000-04:00

hello everyone! well it's been a while since i posted anything worth reading and sorry i got a little carried away with all the quizzes! by the way does anybody know who brian molko is? i got him on that last quiz and i have no clue who he is! bah! well im a little bored and extremely tired i couldnt get to sleep again last night damn! im turning into an total insomniac and while i laid in my bed (wait is that proper english?) i just kept thinking i have to get to sleep! im seeing annie tomorrow im sleeping over i dont want to fall asleep as soon as i get to her house, but hey that didnt work. so i started writing in my travel journal, well what i mean by traver journal is the journal i can take with me not this computerized version of a journal because im not gonna lug around a laptop or anything just to write (or would it be type) down my feelings. but luckily im doing it alot more now, writing in my journal i mean. i have like 5 notebooks that i started as journals but never finished them, but the journal that nai gave me for my birthday it just i dont know just makes me want to finally write. so thanks nai for the journal.

oh big news!! i have finally decided what im going to major in, in college...okay 3 years early but whatever. i plan to major in jounalisim and minor in some sort of music program! yay i have my life figured out! score. too bad that's in three years. im sick of high school well kinda i mean i dont mind the teachers and my friends are awesome and well it isnt all that bad, it's just everyone says these are supposed to be the best years of your life but in reality i think they are the worst four years, because youre trying to make friendships that last a lifetime, pass school so you can go out and be something when you grow up and still find time to get a lifemate...or a temporary one at least. not to mention your parents always not understanding you. damn being a teenager is hard!

i also realized that i am a sidekick! i mean im perfectly beautiful in my own right...when i by myself, but bring anyone of my friends (annie chrissy, janae, erin, tori, kat, nai...and so on and so forth) im kicked off the to side...hence side kick. but hey those sidekicks are essential to any movie or tv series plot. like take for example willow from buffy she's very pretty and she had a crush on xander since kindergarden but along comes buffy and all attention turns to her, or miss congeniality the one blonde girl who actually wins the competion (miss rhode island i think) well she's very pretty but along comes sandra bullock with her gorgeous brown locks (sorry im jealous of brunettes) and takes the scene she does it again in 28 days with that azure chick. ahh sandra bullock damn you! haha

well yes im now very tired and i got some stuff off my chest

*suddenly burst into song for no apparent reason*
howre you gonna smoke that cigarette?
when you cant even breath
you say perhaps it hasnt happened yet
oh youd like to believe

maybe maybe maybe it'll be alright
maybe maybe maybe you wont sleep along tonight

but he's already he's already gone
she already knows

he's been there before
when she was still in her bed
and aching for love
getting silence instead

but he's already gone

*singing stops*
thank you! ill be here to thursday, try the pasta!

2003-07-08T14:08:00.000-04:00

BOW DOWN DAISY DUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-07-01T00:27:00.000-04:00

just to add to her sweet-ness she just said this

PhilophobiaNess: i love you
sandz1122: well i love you more!
PhilophobiaNess: nuh uh!
PhilophobiaNess: dude, i miss you so damn much
PhilophobiaNess: i said it tonight
PhilophobiaNess: iw as getting my make up on and i was like ":'( i miss cassie, walking down the stairs, and sitting here with her, and hearing her complain about her hag costume and, and..

2003-07-01T00:25:00.000-04:00

taken from a conversation from me and annie she's too sweet

sandz1122: didja know that on average a woman will consume 6 pounds of lipstick in here life
PhilophobiaNess: lol
sandz1122: that's nasty'
PhilophobiaNess: lol yeah it is
sandz1122: but im sure you'll look gorgeous even if youre supposed to look ugly
PhilophobiaNess: i'm not suposed to look ugly
PhilophobiaNess: i just do
PhilophobiaNess: lol
sandz1122: well youre gorgeous without any make up so what does it matter
PhilophobiaNess: your os sweet
sandz1122: no im not i just speak the truth
PhilophobiaNess: your the gorgoues one
sandz1122: no im the blonde one i hate being blonde it's so superficial
PhilophobiaNess: no its not
sandz1122: yeah it is have you ever watched a movie where the guy has a choice between the brunette and the blonde and he chooses the blonde? and mandy moore even had to change her hair from blonde to brunette because she would be more desirable so if hollywood has taught me anything it's that people like screwing with blondes but in the end choose the more homely brunette...at least thats my philosophy
PhilophobiaNess: omg thats not true cassie, lol but its funny
sandz1122: haha well that's good that it's funny but i think it's true
PhilophobiaNess: its not
sands1122: damn it!

2003-06-28T01:40:00.000-04:00

i just had the weirdest conversation with naila's dave it was just odd, im gonna keep calling him nai's dave even if he's not it was just strange.

oh i met a nice kid he's name kevin and i met him through this here blogger website, very cool!

i dont like how you have to enter posts now it's very different i have the awesome rooney song stuck in my head..."only the ends of the red will show you my blueside" great song very 60's esq if that's even a word well im very tired must get to sleep

Gimpy: [opens a bathroom stall revealing Cal and a joystick] Cal, what, are you doing?
Cal: I'm mastering my joystick, guy! slurpp
[Gimpy backs slowly out of the room]

2003-06-22T17:03:00.000-04:00

ignore that last entry i was in a really sucky mood, as i am in alot of my entrys. ive realized i like never write anything good, just mostly angsty stuff, it's kinda sad. but yesterday i had a great day! so here we go my first happy entry in a while! wow!

so i found out what the rash was! it was *GASP* nate's hot tub! haha not soon after i posted that some of my friends were reading it and said hey i have the same thing and these were friends who were at the hot tub party everyone but nate got the rash, weird. so im very happy i have found out what it is! and im not the only one who is disgustingly disfigured and cant even go out on the one nice day and get some sun! damn! but timmy has it the worst everywhere but his face he said, aw poor baby!! so i guess im pretty lucky i can hide mine weirdness under a long sleeved shirt!

yesterday my cousin's family from flordia (is that even how you spell it?) came up and i got to play with his two little daughters ashley (age 8) and madison (age 2) they are the most adorable little girls in the world! so madison is finally talking and she said my name!!!! like if i went away for two minutes she was like "cassie? cassie?????" it was adorable. she saw the ducks! and she ate the crackers we were feeding them! haha she saw out speedboat and was like can we go out on the boat with the duck? of course i said no because it was cold even though it was the first day of summer and only like 50 flipping degrees outside! sigh!

so today it was sooooo nice out! i went out on the boat and we went near conneut lake park and it was so great! there was music playing from the sand bar i guess you call it and i knew all the songs that were from like the sixties and i was singing them at the top of my lungs! there was some guy on a sea doo and he fell off of it going high speed and i felt really bad but i had to laugh because he was showing off for these girls. when we were by the park i was just remembering when we were little and there was the big water slide and how i was always so afraid to go on it but then i looked at it and it's really small! i was such a little wimp when i was a baby! im kinda glad i grew up and got a lot more outspoken. the only time i wish i was a kid again is when it's the holidays, i smell like chrismas trees and turkey and im suddenly 5 again i cant wait to eat a giant thanksgiving dinner or at christmas open up all my presents at once, thats the only time i wish i were young again. well it's time to eat! ive had a great two days yay! goodbye all who read this and have a pleasant day!

2003-06-20T23:40:00.000-04:00

god aint that the truth. i am alone. i thought spending time with my friends would make me happier but it only made me feel more alone

i went to the docotr today i have some weird rash on me i no clue what it is, maybe it's some flesh eating virus, because then i can just die, but i dont want to die. i can live without friends i mean people do it everyday. but those people dont have parents who remind them that theyre losers or siblings who go out every night with either friends or their significant other while their left behind watching another stupid teen movie where they saw maybe someday that will be me, maybe ill finally be seen as someone desirable. but sadly that day wont be any time soon.

today my mom said that im very mature and that's maybe why guys dont want to date me and how it's hard that they dont want to especially when you see your friends with boyfriends. okay mom whatever. i dont care if im mature. why cant i be like every other heterosexual female? with a boyfriend and friends surrounding me and a reason to get up every morning, why cant i have that? because im a supreme loser. as most of my friends know im a bookworm, der. and in every book i read there's always a nerd but the nerd or loser whatever she is always is more beautiful than anyone, only because shes a nerd no one knows. it's so unfair you know, im not repulsive so i dont understand why i cant get any guy whose not a retard or over 35 to look at me. some times i wish i had zits all over my face and disgusting hair and pugent B.O. then i would know the reason why no guy who is under 35 or not a retard will look at me. but alas i dont have zits, i dont have disgusting hair, or pugent BO but i still cant get a guy. damn

2003-06-10T15:32:00.000-04:00

jeez im not even getting personel emails, and now that i think of it, i never did, wow i must be a bigger loser than i thought

2003-06-10T15:09:00.000-04:00

well so far my summer vacation has sucked. on my first day off i went to the hospital and got some pain medicine because my wrist was hurting me so bad it was even hard to type *gasp* then i came home a watched the last half hour of e.r.. it was a good one. then came friday night went to chrissy's it was fun just a hang out day then got up at about 6:30 cuz we had too, but im not complaining then i went home and watched like an hour of scarlett because i was so bored then fell asleep then came home watched some tv, then went to sleep missed an episode of e.r. damn. then rented signs..freaky good movie...cut to sunday bordom then at 6 i went to youth group hung out with chrissy for about 15 minutes then will and i walked her to play rehersal where i saw stephy and annie and omg dan he like has the coolest hair i have seen! even cuter than kat statman's :P but good thing im over my crush of dan! so yeah and now more boredom didnt to anything yesterday but hey i watched two episodes of e.r. great now im crying cuz justin's calling me a brat and lazy, why doesnt he just call me fat and get it over with, jeez i hate him. i know it's bad to hate your brother there's even something in the bible saying if you say you hate your brother it's basically saying you hate god, but whatever my brother's an asshole. god i hate my life right now, this summer's gonna be crap my mom says it's only gonna be horrible if you make it so well i cant help it i mean seriously all my friends live in another town, they dont even call me the only person who does is chrissy but she's not the only one that knows my number im just so bored and im tired of writing now so on to more boring things.

2003-05-21T19:47:00.000-04:00

wow i do not feel good at all, my throat's all scratchy and i dont feel good at all! im just happy cuz tomorrow is is thursday and after thursday is friday and after friday is saturday which means long weekend! score. wow i have a great song stuck in my head it's by shindig, ive never heard of them until i bought their "cd" which is actually a mix of songs i got at the show of bands from pittsburgh its really good, so now i will sing it to you

is it okay if i think that nothings wrong
im ready to go
im waiting on you
so what if you go
the trains leaving at two
with or without you
so what if you go

i love it cuz it's acoustic and wonderful! haha

2003-05-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

ow ow ow ow! my neck hurts so bad! i went to the bands yesterday, because there was nothing better to do and it has been forever since ive been so a show or anything so ensues the pain. i think we're giving skittles away, i feel bad but she's just so skirtis, if that's even a word, she wont come downstairs and when she does she cant relax, it's so sad. well tonight's nais show! yay! i will be so angry if i dont get to go to the whole show as mom often makes me leave and hour early, grr. i have some song stuck in my head (as usual) and all i know is "chase us around" if kinda reminds me of that song the right time the wrong me.

look around your world pretty baby
is it everything you hoped it would be
the wrong guy the wrong situation
the right time the wrong me

that's a great song, i can remember it came out when i was like five or six and the video came on and all i can remember is that they're like 4 guys singing in baby strollers, it was pure genius. mmm pretzels. ew my hair is greasy i guess i could take a shower and come out all beautiful but im being kinda lazy today, ow i just cracked! oooh!!!!! i just saw me myself and irene, that's really a strange movie but i liked it, it was great, ow still sore.

"do you, do you like dreaming of things so impossible
or only the practical or ever the wild
and waiting through all your bad, bad days just to end them with
someone you care about and do you like making out?
and long drives and brown eyes and
guys that just dont quite fit in?"

as a matter of fact i do!

2003-05-15T17:37:00.000-04:00

well fuck me gently with a chainsaw it looks as if nai's got a new man! dave kasdfudf...if i knew his last name then i would probably spell it out right, but i cant help think that isnt she moving just a bit fast? i mean she met the guy last friday and now she has something posted on her info that says she loves him. hmm too fast, too sudden, to unadvised, too like the lighting that cease to be...sorry shakespeare. but i think that is kinda what she's feeling...well all i can do is wish her the best!

2003-05-14T18:25:00.000-04:00

man i got called a bitch today. wow was i shocked, honestly i have never been called a bitch well okay i have but it had always ALWAYS been as a joke and today some guy just yells it at me im not gonna go into details why but i guess it was my fault, kinda. but i was really upset about it. i really had no reason to be it was my fault and that guy didnt even know me so he wouldnt know if i was really a bitch or not, which i hope im not. you know how people are always like "i wish you would say that to my face because it hurts more when you say it behind my back" i really do not agree with that. it's easier because they cant see your reaction and you dont know how they were saying it so you wouldnt feel quite as bad. i mean seriously i was so upset today after that guy called me a bitch, ive never even met the guy he doesnt know who i am, or what im like but i would have liked it so much better if the guy in the car would have just said to the other one in the car man that bitch should shut up she wasnt even part of this, it would have hurt so much less. now here i am feeling like crap because this guy who i have never met or i think even seen called me a name. i feel so stupid. sorry everyone that this isnt one of my more happy posts! ill try harder next time to make it better or at least more feel good!

2003-05-13T20:04:00.000-04:00

haha! i got the white stripes song "seven nation army" stuck in like all of my friends heads today! and the thing is all i know is the bass! bum bumbum bum bum bum bum yeah it goes like that sure?

2003-05-13T20:00:00.000-04:00

man i have like all the chicago songs stuck in my head. no not chicago the band! the musical! ugh i was reading through all my old entrys wow was i a cry baby! all i did was complain! *sniffle* im reading the last of the sweep books! no more learning about wiccan from morgan! but whatever it was a good series, just as good if not as good as the mediatior. wait that made no sense!

mmm i just had pops, i havent had those in a while. it's weird im in roberts "office" upstairs so im like afraid he's gonna start reading over my shoulder cuz he's working on a blue print. but he probably wont. man it smells up here. skittles and kitty got into a fight....weird. "i simply cannot do it alone!" that's currently the song stuck in my head. yes it's from chicago, *coughstupididiotscough*

ah crap i have history that's due tomorrow! I HATE YOU MS FRAULICH!!!!!!!! jeez. OMG mike gorman's going goth! its so wrong! alright that sounds mean but i dont think theirs anything wrong with being goth, but mike i seriously think he's doing it for attention. speaking of mike's i think i may get to see conners this weekend if our volleyball tournment doesnt get rained out i hope not i havent seen him since like march 2nd! wow has it been that long? i mean you sleep with a guy you expect him to call! haha it was actually sleeping you pervy perverts!! wow prom's this weekend! sigh no date so i cant go but it's all good cuz i can go to nai's show i hope, i hate how mom's like no more punk shows! geez it's not like im getting stoned and drinking! sorry that i went into that car with those guys from massachusetts! it's not like they kidnapped me! they brought us right back they just needed to know where to get gas! argh!

wow this is like the longest post in a while. wow im tired. i came into school late today, bad cassie! it was one freaking minute, i hate our school's parking lot! that's why i was late i couldnt find a spot, we just drove around until we could find one, i hate how they took away the small parking lot, where andy used to park. *sniffle* i miss andy, wait college is over! i can see him again! yay! well i guess i should start to study two test tomorrow and finals coming up grrr theyre useless! useless i say!!!!!!!

2003-05-12T20:23:00.000-04:00

muhahahahahahah! i have the brocoli (damn spelling!!!!!) song stuck in my head "IM CHOPPING BROCLI!!!!!!"

2003-05-12T19:31:00.000-04:00

hi hello! wow im in a really good mood today i went to the library and got a really great magazine white stripes on it wow they are really awesome! im kinda like jack the interviewer is like what are you doing right now and he's like watching *insert movie title here* for the 3rd time in three days. im reading it and im just like that is so me! haha wow pretty good day! im getting bored with guys thought ill just wait for them to come to me, or just wait until college to date. it would make things much easier that way if i date a guy and if i decide to break up with him i wont have to see them everyday and have them be like boo hoo cassie i miss you i know we didnt go out for long but i love you...grrrrrr. that annoys me! it's high school kids relationships arent supposed to last that long and if they do consider yourself very lucky! man i have the i dream of jeannie song stuck in my head, i want the popeye song stuck in it but i cant think of it. Is it "im popeye the sailor man, i live in a garbage can..." now im stuck hmm what to do, what to do? so yeah nai's met this nice guy i hope he doesnt turn out to be a jerk janae says he is but maybe he just was to her. i dunno. im rather confused. ah crap now i DO have the popeye song stuck! ahh! ooh jason lee is such a great actor! just wanted to say that! haha well i gots to go! much love to you all

2003-05-06T21:22:00.000-04:00

who the fuck posted that? i wish i knew cuz um no love (or colin for that matter) in my life thank god!!!!!!! it's so much easier being single. okay now you going why cassie you are the one complaining about not having a boyfriend throughout this whole jounal thingy. yes dear reader i have but i have come to term with myself. IM FUCKING FIFTEEN YEARS OLD! haha so that means i have the rest of high school, college, and the rest of my life to find a guy to love honer and cherish. im over trying to get a boy im done trying to be the normal girl that has a boyfriend and gets married right out of highschool, it's easier being single I LOVE BEING SINGLE! hehe im in a really good mood i dont know why but i am, i think ive realized i dont need a guy in my life to be happy! b

2003-05-05T22:18:00.000-04:00

I may go off on strange topics for no reason what-
so-ever and it will amuse you and you may think
that I am intoxicated but alas, no such luck.
Mwahahaha.

Wouldn't YOU like to know?!
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-05-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

just chillin' im so bored! omg i saw the lizzie maguire movie it was so great missy sue and jessimaca and iwere so happy when gordo and lizzie kissed! it was great! very happy day!

2003-04-22T22:03:00.001-04:00

i dont get it! im myself i do everything that every self helper tells me to do and still im considered off in some odd way. i act like myself im not afraid of that but after a while people think im annoying, loud, bossy. it's just such crap. i wish i could write that something good happened today, like i got my first real kiss, im dating this incredibly nice guy, or that someone told me that they thought i was the coolest person, but hey not gonna happen. it all goes to annie, i know she hates me for saying it but seriously she's very lucky, she's gorgeous and she always seems to fit in where ever she is. unlike me who is uncomfortable just sitting down. I always try to have a smile on my face, because like that quote says you never know who's falling in love with your smile but lately im finding it harder and harder to find a reason to smile. i get made fun of in my classes, not all of them but some, im not getting the best grades, my homelife sucks my family thinks im this major brat but im not i know im not perfect but im alot more perfect than some of the kids out there, my friends are all getting boyfriends, and great news when i have nothing. i am so utterly alone. seriously my friends do say that they agree with me about guys, but they dont understand it from my view 'cause they have had boyfriends who've made them feel special but not me, nope so as i cry myself to sleep tonight for the first time in ages ill just try to remember im not the only one who's feeling this way. and maybe someday soon i will have someon *sigh* i wish!

2003-04-22T21:54:00.000-04:00

im so alone! even the girls who complain dont have anything to complain about compared to me, i hate it hate hate hate it!

2003-04-22T21:52:00.000-04:00

EVERYTHING I THINK IS THE TOTAL OPPOSITE!!! i think im good at something it turns out im just horrible!! i think these guys like me and yet again they like one of my best friends. i hate my life its nothing like id expected it to be. i mean i can remember sitting in my room at age 8 pretending i was on the rosie o'donell show and i was telling the story of my life, saying i had scores of suitors, expecting to have the perfect life that every girl dreams of, but no im not that girl im the big, ignorant, naive, stupid, fatter than average (to quote kyle and anthony), loud, obnoxious ugly depressed girl. i mean seriously, i used to think i could write really well but icant i suck! i have nothing to live for except the feeling that i might miss something. DAMN IT!

2003-04-17T15:14:00.000-04:00

CONSIDER THE MOMENT THE TIME AND PLACE RIGHT NOW....FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I THINK IVE GOT THINGS FIGURED OUT

2003-04-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

grrrrr. once again i was asked to help people on their love life problems great it's not like i dont have a love life but i have to help my friends out with theirs. great. it just makes me feel like such a loser when they're like what should i do cassie? should i tell them how i feel or should i just let them go, because im pretty sure they like someone else not me...blah. i was told today that i always put myself down but i truely dont think i do, there are so many times where i think wow i look pretty today guys would have to be crazy not to like me and i know that sounds conceited but im just building up confidence so i can feel sexy because i think the sexiest thing is confidence. but after like five minutes with any one of my gorgeous friends im like oops maybe not maybe if i looked like her i would be more lovable or hmm. man i can name numerous times when i thought these guys like me 'cause they were nice to me and hanging out with me but only when a certain friend was around but still i thoug wow they like me! and then they ask out my one friend on a date. and i feel like a major loser. screwy. i just hate that i mean i really do think im conceited cuz i try to believe that every guy that will be nice to me likes me but i think i do that so if one of them actually asks me out i could just say yes i was right even if they just like me as a friend or like my friend as it so often turns out to be. i just hate how annie can just be so comfotable where ever she is! i mean i would kill to be able to have that confidence i mean i try to act like her try to just be comfortable but nope doesnt happen grrrr...i mean jamie, we met him at the same time, said the same things, but once again almost immediately i could tell he chose her as a friend not me. im the odd one no one likes im the weird best friend, i can just see people thinking oh that's so nice they're being friends with her...aw! i just know thats what theyre saying grrr i just wish i could have the problem of 5 guys wanting me and haveing to choose cuz theyre all just so nice its so unfair. welcome to life

2003-04-13T23:26:00.000-04:00

I appreciate but cant accept this letters that were sealed with your last breath

2003-04-11T20:37:00.000-04:00

why cant i have the perfect life that i dream of in my head? i mean in my dream world all these guys like me and i never know or have never thought of them in that way but in reality it's not like that because i look at every guy i talk to and have an attraction to him because i know im never gonna get a boyfriend that i want to keep. i just want to be kissed you know not like ooh peck i want the full on tongue wagging, breathless, love lusting kiss that you see in the movies but no never gonna happen...i just cant connect with any guys...first im too loud, or annoying, but if they get past that IF!! then they see me as a great friend who will help them with their girl troubles, even asking me to tell me where to take out my best friend while i spend another friday night alone on the computer looking up songs about love and how people lost the great love of their life and trying to tell myself that im not the only one that's single, im not the only one who wants something that they cant have but it's like that...i dont have any great guy friends...i try to act like the friends of mine that do have those type of guy friends that they'll tell anything, but when i try to act like them im considered disgusting or annoying or just plain loud, i hate it!!!! i just want to grab some guy and say do you think im attractive, like if you looked at me would you immediatly want to make out with me and if he said yes i would just kiss him right there, but alas that's never gonna happen unless i want some stupid nerd (and im not talking smart nerd im talking stay at home, with youre N64 never leave your house nerd) *wails in frustration* i just want love!!!!!!!!!

2003-04-07T15:01:00.000-04:00

i hate stupid daylights savings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooo incredibly tired! and today I had to dance! damn them all...*let's out a cry and pounds head on table* "that my friend's is the sound of boredom" I found the most idiodic--crap cant spell--lyric i will now tell you it "Passport, customs, carryon--remember to shut off all or your electronic devices--fell asleep on Tuesday...woke up monday afternoon--I slept right throught your internation dateline" hmm it's so...poetic...not really i dont like it at all

2003-04-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

hello!

2003-03-31T19:29:00.000-05:00

anthony quindardo is so weird! he looks like ardrian brody...who i might mention is the hottest 29 year old actor dude. but can he take that as a compliment? no! kyle grabs the stupid magazine i was showing them a picture of how he looks like him shoves a picture of micheal caine in my face and says that looks like you! then anthony's like no this is..and shows a pic of nicole kidman's dad...wow boys in our school are so mature. and he bought a shirt at abercrombie and fitch and im like hey how long have you had that shirt man it's looking old...and he's like i just got it yesterday. which i kinda got angry at it just reminded me of nate saying "thank you abercromie for introducing the world to pre-faded jeans" and so i said that but only in shirt form...hmm go to www.whyinsanity.net...it's a great site colin (oh yes we're on first name basis even though i have never met the guy) is very funny

2003-03-26T14:58:00.000-05:00

gotta remember this site go to it if you want http://www-th.phys.rug.nl/~ma/quotes.html

2003-03-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

wow i just read both john's and annies blogs. man annie is crazy she was saying in her blog (before she read johns blog) that she looked terrible in her bathing suit then she read his and he was like annie in a bathing suit whoo and im reading this and im like grr okay she's like 105 im not sure about her weight but im guessing it's like that give of take 10 pounds. and it just makes me feel fat. it's not like she calls herself fat, or anything like in front of me but still when people are so skinny and afraid of what they look like in a bathing suit its like SHUT UP! I WEIGH 60 POUNDS MORE THAN YOU IM THE ONE THAT LOOKS TERRIBLE i dont like feeling this way but hey it happens. erin was always saying aw man i gained like five pounds, and i just looked down, she and i would eat the same thing when i was with her sometimes i would even eat smaller portions. it just sucks. sometime i wish i were a diabetic because if i was it would almost be like a severe diet that i would have to keep or die. i wish all diets were like that. you know what the worst thing is? sometimes i wish i were anorexic or bulimic. but i cant i read at a young age what these things can do to you so i dont but sometimes im just like damn it why cant i just not eat! you fat thing! just go one day without eating! jeez, you cant even go 5 hours without eating! its just so frustrating to have so many skinny friends who think theyre fat. especially chrissy i mean chrissy wow she even has abs but no she's always like ooh i have a ghetto booty...so what!!!!! i have a ghetto body! i hear that it's normal to hate at least one thing on your body but what about hating you whole body is that normal? i mean really is it. i want to be skinny ooh so maybe curvy girls are in...so what during high school no one cares about the fat girls it's all about looks. you can be the most beautiful girl in the world but alot of people wont see it because youre fat. i hate society it blows

2003-03-08T23:07:00.000-05:00

You look unhappy. I like that.

2003-03-08T22:58:00.000-05:00

found a show that i really really want to watch but cant grrr cuz it's cancelled but the quotes are good so here they are

Memorable Quotes from
"My So-Called Life" (1994)

[About sex.]
Angela: I mean, I think about it...all the time, but...
Brian: Wait, you *think* about it all the time?
Angela: Brian! Yes! Shut up... guys don't have a monopoly on thinking about it.
Brian: They don't?
Angela: *No!*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it *was*, you're lucky to get out alive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It had become the focus of everything. It was all I could feel, all I could think about. It blotted out the rest of my face, the rest of my life. Like the zit had become... the truth about me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Love is when you look into someone's eyes, and suddenly, you go all the way inside, to their soul... and you both know, instantly. I always imagined I would fall in love, nursing a blind soldier. Who was wounded in battle. Or maybe while rescuing someone in the middle of a blizzard, seconds before the avalanche hits. I thought, at least, by the age of fifteen, I would have a love life. But, I don't even have a "like" life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When I was little I, like, worshipped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. 'Cause it's your one chance all year to be someone else.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: [narrating] I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now.
[groans]
Angela: I am, like, the *sickest* person.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: Finally! An erection from actual, physical contact!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: Why are you like this?
Angela: Like what?
Jordan: Like how you are.
Angela: How am I? How am I!?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: If only there were a button somewhere that I could push. To force me to stop talking.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: They weren't the kind of kisses you could actually evaluate. They were more like... introductory kisses.
Rickie: Introductory kisses. Is that like a class I could get into?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes I think if my mother wasn't so good at pretending to be happy she might be better at actually being happy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Each card has its own name: The Magician; The Empress; The Fool; The Wheel of Fortune; Strength. They represent challanges and tests, twists of fate. No card is all good or all bad. Cards can be positive or negative depending on where they fall. When you read someone's future, they must think of a question. They must hold it in their mind. The cards read in sequence, each card leads to the next. We move from terror and loss to unexpected good fortune and out of darkness hope is born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Things were getting to me. Just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way. Even your best friend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Like with boys, how they have it so easy. How you have to pretend that you don't notice them... noticing you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I'm in love. His name is Jordan Catalano. He was let back, twice. Once I almost touched his shoulder in the middle of a pop quiz. He's always closing his eyes like it hurts to look at things.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield... for your heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I bet people can actually die of embarrassment. I bet it's been medically proven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.
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Danielle: Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: Well, then I guess it depends on how badly you need wallpaper.
Brian: I'd say... pretty bad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield for your heart. So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him. Which could be true.
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Angela: Lately, I can't even look at my mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly.
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Angela: My dad and I used to be pretty tight. The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us.
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Patty: God, Chelsea Clinton. Will you look at this? No freedom, no privacy, constant surveillance, Secret Service men... That's what we need.
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Rayanne: You wanna have sex with him.
Angela: Who?
Rayanne: Who. Jordan. Catalano. Come on, I'm not gonna tell anyone, just admit it.
Angela: I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both.
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Ms. Mayhew: How could Anne Frank be lucky?
Angela: I don't know. 'Cause she was stuck in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked?
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Angela: It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you? And, I mean, this whole thing with yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember what happened. Because if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
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Angela: Seeing a teacher's actual lunch is, like, so depressing. Not to mention, her bra strap.
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Jordan: This doesn't seem like a Friday.
Angela: It's Thursday.
Jordan: Oh. Are you sure?
Angela: Yesterday was Wednesday, so...
Jordan: Oh... Right.
Angela: So, that's how I know.
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Rayanne: I think lard's my favorite food group.
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Angela: Cafeteria is the embarrassment capital of the world. It's like a prison movie.
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First Bathroom Girl: Wait, so what's fat-free?
Second Bathroom Girl: When something's, like, free. Of fat.
Third Bathroom Girl: Well, what's the difference between fat-free, and like, nonfat?
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Brian: Oh, look at me, I'm way cool. I'm off with my way cool friends to sniff floor wax.
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Angela: Everybody's an act. Including you.
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Rickie: If you were about to do it, okay, what would you want the other person to say, like, right before?
Rayanne: "This won't take long."
Rickie: No, seriously.
Rayanne: "Do I know you?"
Rickie: No, like, for real. Like, romantic.
Angela: "You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you."
Rayanne: "It hurts to look at you"?
Rickie: How'd you think of that?
Rayanne: Where would it hurt?
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Angela: These guys started hitting on us.
Brian: What? Like sexual harassment?
Angela: Like guys.
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Angela: My entire life became divided into kissing... and not kissing. Kissing... and not kissing.
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Angela: It just seems like...you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it... I mean, how do you know it's even you? And this whole thing with the yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book... to supposedly remember what happened, but it's not even what really happened. It's what everybody thinks was *supposed* to happen. Because if you made a book of what *really* happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
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Angela: People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough.
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Angela: There's this dividing line between girls who have had sex, and girls who haven't. And all of a sudden you realize you're looking at each other across it.
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Rayanne Graff: "Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Research!
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Angela: My mother's adopted. So for a while, she was looking for her real parents. I guess that's just what everyone's looking for.
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Angela: It's so strange how parents can out of nowhere turn psychic. It's unnerving.
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Angela: When you're not sure you trust a person anymore, say a person you really trusted, say your father, you start wishing they'd do something like really wrong so you'd be right about them.
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Angela: When someone compliments your parents, there's like nothing to say. It's like a stun gun to your brain.
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Graham: Prison's not that bad and, and I'll wait for you.
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Patty: Orange juice doesn't grown on trees, Angela.
Angela: It sorta does.
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Angela: Huge events take place on this earth every day. Earthquakes, hurricanes, even glaciers move. So why couldn't he just look at me?
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Angela: Hatred can become like food, it gives you this energy that you can like, live off of.
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Brian: It's like you have created your own prison and now you have to exist in it.
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Jordan: It's like you think you are safe or something cause you can just walk away anytime, cause you don't need her - you don't need anyone. But the thing you didn't realize is, you're wrong.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It's so weird when you see someone you just dreamed about. Like it's gonna show.
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Brian Krakow: Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano

2003-03-05T22:27:00.000-05:00

hmm erins in love. odd. what has she been doing with all the guys she's been with she said that she's sorry but she must have been lying to all those guys because this is the first guy who she really loves. hmm. well okay then. i worry about her sometimes i mean she's gonna one day wake up and see what she's done with her life. shes famous for making people like her and using them without them even knowing. grr. so yeah we finally know chucks leaving on monday. im torn i want to go up to him and hug him and cry and tell him how much i love him but im not like that we're not like that. i dont know what to do i love him he's my brother im just afraid that he will be sent away and be gone for over 6 years and im just afraid that he'll die. i dont think he will i hope he doesnt but there is that possibility. whatever. all i can do is pray and hope that everything will be alright. cant think of anything else to write. i must leave you now. goodbye

2003-02-27T22:38:00.000-05:00

I LOVE ALL ME FRIENDS

2003-02-27T22:19:00.000-05:00

why the fuck cant i be the one everyone likes why is it ALWAYS my friends who are i mean im not weird okay i am but ive never thought that i was annoying or bad or anything and it sucks i wish that i were beautiful i mean ive had people tell me i am but im not grr i just wish that i was like all my friend who can cry for like hours and be all blochy and still be beautiful!!!! grr i hate being me and i wish that i could just tell a story and have guys fall in love with me..*cough nate c. cough* man i wish but it's never gonna happen i mean idont even have the voice for it i mean i have a mans voice lets admit it grrr i hate me but im happy with myself is that wrong grr everythings so confusing!!

2003-02-27T22:15:00.000-05:00

Things guys should know about girls:
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is ALWAYS the Prettiest!
5. You don't have PMS; don't fuckin act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want real relationships.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
16. We are DrAmA queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give u head; if you are nice you just might get it.
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about... in other words shut the fuck up...well most of the time
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21.eWe don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we will always find out.
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we always hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, itisnt, so DONT..
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers, you may as well give it up now)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful at all times.
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.

2003-02-23T15:11:00.000-05:00

if wishes were horses, we'd be knee-deep in crap.

2003-02-23T15:10:00.001-05:00

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God

2003-02-22T23:22:00.000-05:00

sometimes i feel like this major loser you know? i mean im well liked by most people i hope but sometimes my friends tell me these stories about themselves and what happens to the and it's just like wow that'll never happen to me. Ive always wanted to be one of those people who you just meet and instantly like but Im not at all I give the worst first impressions, and 2nd, 3rd and 4th ones too. I just wish i could be a person that someone would just look at and say she's looks cool, maybe i should get to know her try to be her friend but that doesnt happen. I dont know why it doesnt though. I mean all my friends say im this great person that im pretty and fun to be around but i never get the compliments they receive especially annie i mean she's wonderful, all she has to do is tell a story and guys will look at her in such a way that they would do anything for her in that moment and not think twice about it. it seems that all the people that i go to for friendship are so unlike me, annie is closer to what i am than erin was though i mean annie and i even that somethings that we do that we thought no one else does but in the romantic department both of them are sooo much more advanced than i am. I mean i freak if a guy likes me, I dont know what im gonna do when a guy kisses me, yes i admit it I have never been kissed, that is how much of a loser i am, im 15 years old and never been kissed but it's not that bad i mean im not like oh poor me im never gonna be kissed ever, because thats not going to happen i mean i am only 15 it's not like im 75 or anything and this isnt the 15th century where girls were married and had kids at my age i mean i dont even plan to get married until im like 30 maybe a little earlier if i find the right guy and right now the aplicants are few and far between. Im a happy single. im a very independant person, one of my friends nai told me something that my other friend rian said about me they were talking about people who are in realtionships and some who arent or something and nai told me that he said that boys my age are looking for someone who they can comfort who they can hold, and then he brought up me and he said that 'cassie for instance she's this wonderful person, but she's independant so guys are scared of her' or something like that god i hope not i dont want to be scaring guys away! ahhh. oh yeah im such a bitch, im so mean to dom and the thing is i dont care, which is worse that ignoring him i just dont want him, he's immature, and im independant and well my signs clash so im an odd person im a water and a fire sigh how clashing is that...hmm im tired and ive written alot that ive wanted to write so im gonna go with one last word of advice...on the 13th monday of the year the world is going to end...shave your head!!!

2003-02-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

hey y'all what is up? you cant answer that! muhaha all part of my evil plan! actually no it's not but i can say it is muhaha so tonite there was a great show! i saw all these cool bands like sf firehydrant, almost cool, finster, tcwk, coming clean and gi the only band i didnt get to see were the twirpentines...but i was lucky that i saw any of the bands. im grounded for a month so i was lucky that i could go. omg beaver was there as in erin's ex and well it's bad but i think im developing a crush on him, but that may not be true i was just using him so that dom would see that i have moved on...not like making out in front of him..dear lord no..but i would just be near him the whole nite...damn it!!! oh guess what he told kat last night???? that he loves me! dom not beav...but omg WTF!! we went out for 7 fricken days!! love doesnt develop i dont believe in love a first site only attraction and hey im not that lovable!!! i just wish he would get over me life would be so much easier!!! grrr im so tired i cant write any more! much love!

2003-02-14T17:03:00.000-05:00

Brother: (reading from Book of Armaments): And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
Brother Maynard (Eric Idle): Skip a bit, Brother...
Brother: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
King Arthur (Graham Chapman): Right

2003-02-14T16:56:00.001-05:00

Steveo: The fight: what dies it mean and where does it come from? An essay. Homo Sapian -- a man. He is alone in the universe. A punker, still a man, he is alone in the universe, but he connects. How? They hit each other. Ooo. No clear way to tell if you're alive. Now, complications. A reason to fight...somebody different. Difference creates dispute, dispute is a reason to feel pain. Life is pain. So to fight, with reason, is to be alive, with reason. Final analysis: to fight, a reason to live. Problems and contradictions: I am an anarchist. I believe there should be no rules, only chaos. Fighting appears to be chaos. And when we slam the pit, it shows it is. When we fight for a reason, like rednecks, we fight for what we stand for: chaos. But fighting is a structure. Fighting is to establish power, power is government, and government is not anarchy. Government is war, and war is fighting. The circle goes like this: Our redneck scrimmages are cheaper versions of conventional warfare. War implies extreme government, because wars are fought to enforce rules or ideals, even freedom, but other people's ideals forced on someone else, even something like freedom, is still a rule, not anarchy. This contradiction is becoming clear to me in the fall of '85. Even as early as my first party, why did I love to fight? I framed it, but I still, I don't understand it. It goes against my beliefs as a true anarchist. But, there it was: competition, fighting, capitalism, government, the system. It's what we did, it's what we always do. Rednecks kicked the shit out of punks, punks kicked the shit out of mods, mods kicked the shit out of skinheads, skinheads kicked the shit out of heavy metalers, heavy metalers kicked the shit out of new wavers, and the new wavers did nothing, they were the new hippies. What was the point? Final summation? None

2003-02-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

Stevo: Sure there's a lot more punks than there was four years earlier, but there was also as many poseurs. Poseurs were people that looked like punks, but they did it for fashion. And they were fools. They would say "anarchy in the UK," you see, poseurs. "anarchy in the UK," what the fuck is that? What good is that to those of us in Utah, America? It was a Sex Pistol thing. They were from England, they were British, that's what they did. They were allowed to go on about anarchy in the UK. You dont live your life by lyrics.
I mean that's all you ever heard from these trendy fucks. Like uh, did you hear the new Smiths album? It's fucking terif. Kids walkin' around Utah sayin' 'terif' with a stupid little English twang. See what I mean. (points to a jacket) What the fucks up with the English bullshit? Yeah, I knew a girl who would only have sex with a guy if he only had a fuckin' accent. Can you think of anything more ludicrous in your life? Cuz every asshole in Salt lake City, and let me tell ya, plenty of assholes in this general region that wanna do a little a this will get her drunk and put on some kinda stupid fuckin' accent like, 'hey mistress d'ya fancy a shag?' Then she would, fuckin' knees to the sky, which was sad, it made me really sad, poor girl had no self-respect. See to me, England was nothing more than a big fuckin' American state like North Dakota or Canada. You gotta look at me and you gotta say, hey buddy, why are you so mad and I'll tell ya, cuz for all the following that went over to the English bands from the SLC. Those fuckin English chaps can only say shit about us Americans, all we were to them was a bunch of hicks. Well you know what, I'm not a fuckin' hick. I don't wear cowboy boots, I hate the fuckin rodeo, horses smell like shit to me, and I never fuck anyone in my own bloodline. By definition I am not a redneck and goddammit I ain't no fuckin' hick. Oh the sun never sets on the British empire, well the sun never sets on my asshole.
Another thing that pisses me off, talking about who started punk rock music. Was it the Sex Pistols in england, was it the Ramones and the Velvet Underground in New York? It was the Ramones, it was the Sex Pistols. Who cares who started it, it's music. I don't know who started it, I don't give a fuck. The one thing I do know is that we did it harder, we did faster, and we definitely did it with more love. You can't take that away from us.

Stevo: Whoa, time out. I just wanna ask you real quick, if I can. You believe in rebellion, freedom, and love, right. You two are divorced, so love failed. Two, Mom, you're clinging to any kinda scrap of Eastern religion that can justify why the above said love failed. Three, Dad, you're a slick, corporate, preppy-ass lawyer, I don't really have to say anything else about you, do I, Dad? Four, we move from New York City, the mecca and hub of the cultural world to Utah, nowhere, to change nothing, more to perpetuate the cycle of money, greed, facism, and triviality when your movement of the people, by the people and for the people got you nothing. You just hide behind your lost sense of sex, drugs, rock n roll. Ooh, kum-bye-ya. I am the future. I am the future of this great nation which you father so arrogantly saved this father for. Look, I have my own agenda. Harvard, out. University of Utah in. Im gonna get a 4.0 in damage. I love you guys, don't get me wrong. It's all about this. But for the first time in my life, I'm 18 and I can say, fuck you.

2003-02-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

Odd One Out

She is no longer the girl we all loved
She has become a fragment of what she once was
Her smile is hollow, her eyes and cheeks too
Her eyes no longer have that sparkle that grew and grew

Behind her smile she hides rivers of tears
That she cries every night
She feels the pain in her heart
Like a million knives stabbing her as she breathes

Her world is a blur it all goes by too fast
The affect life takes on her is dizzying
No one seems to notice her salt burned face
They’re too busy thinking about themselves; selfish conceited snobs!

She fears what she doesn’t know
Her list of fears is endless
She longs for love and acceptance
While she is glanced at and ignored

Her handful of friends don’t know her pain
Because she hides it all inside
But you can tell her will has been broken
By the thieves and liars of her youth

She’s paranoid that they will find out her pain
Foolish stupid girl they already know
Eyes can tell no lies
And hers are like an open book

She wonders what it would be like if her life were different
Could she be voted most popular?
Would she have it all and still want more?
She starting to think any life would be better than the one she owns

She tries to remember other people hurt too
Not just her alone
But all she remembers is that her life is empty
And all she wants is something to fill it in with

She’s getting tired of being the odd one out
She’s frustrated by the lack of respect
For her, and for anybody whose has ever been ignored
She’s finally taking her feelings out of where she hid them

She slowly realizes that her life is hers to live
No one can take that away from her, she eventually understands
That the actions she takes today
Will plan her future of tomorrow

2003-02-10T15:01:00.000-05:00

The Monster: I said put that man down! (They do; the Creature rises to his feet and walks towards his creator and the angry villagers)
Kemp (Kenneth Mars): Und just who do you think you are that you order these people about?
The Monster: I am the monster!
Kemp: Ja, I can see that you are the monster.
The Monster: As long as I can remember, people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body...and they ran away in horror. And in my loneliness, I decided that if I could not inspire love...which was my deepest hope...I would instead cause fear! I live...because this poor half-crazed genius has given me life. He alone held an image of me as something beautiful. And then, when it would have been easy enough to stay out of danger, he used his own body as a guinea pig to give me a calmer brain...and a somewhat more sophisicated way of expressing myself.
Kemp: Well, this is, of course, an entirely different situation. As leader of this community, may I be the first to offer you my hand in friendship.
(They shake, the assembled villagers applaud)
The Monster: Thank you.
Kemp: You are entirely welcome. Now let's all go to my house for a little sponge cake und a little wine und --(his wooden hand pops off from the Monster's grip) Oh, shit! (examines it) To the lumberyard!

2003-01-31T14:29:00.000-05:00

I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!

2003-01-31T14:28:00.000-05:00

Fate works in really fucked up ways sometimes

2003-01-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

this so isnt my week first my brother gets called to war or whatever and now my mom is getting married a full 4 months earlier than i expected. i mean i knew she was gonna get married but i didnt expect it to be this soon. i thought that the four month period would give me time to adapt but nope! im stuck here just crying because im moving! no more walks with annie after school, no more card shop self esteem trips, no more just wandering after school for no reason because im gonna be stuck in conneut lake with nothing to do. and what's worse is, i was thinking this summer i could hang out with annie more, i mean i had expected to move in the summer but i really didnt expect it. i feel so selfish my mom (who is finally happy) feels guilty and idont want her to! i mean she's finally happy and now my brothers going away and she's getting MARRIED! i mean that's a big step! and i just dont want to move! i mean that is selfish it's as selfish as one can get at a time like this but i just feel this way. i mean yeah kids move every year and they change schools im not even changing my school im staying in school in meadville and all. man i felt like crap today in rehersal! i just did i mean i got fliped the bird to some guy i was just having fun with, my friends werent there (well not close ones at least) and i just didnt feel good about everything about my brother about what was gonna happen to him and all and then when i got in the car, my mom dropped it outta no where, "cassie" she said "im getting married next week" and immediately i was like what? no! i dont want to move! i know totally selfish! grr i just needed to write this thanks for listening/reading

2003-01-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

2003-01-30T14:59:00.002-05:00

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

2003-01-30T14:59:00.000-05:00

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake

2003-01-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

camp anawanna, we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you, it makes me wanna FART!

2003-01-29T17:41:00.000-05:00

Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.

2003-01-29T17:29:00.000-05:00

I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions were there

2003-01-29T16:55:00.000-05:00

we are born inocent believe me adia we are still inocent it's easy we are faltered...does it matter?
yeah sorry i cant spell
im sitting here in my kitchen and it's so weird my brother got called yesterday. he's going to war. it's strange how nothings changed but really everything has. im was sitting in my room last night trying to tell my self dont be stupid he'll come back he'll be fine, but at the same time i was crying my eyes out worrying about losing him. which i really odd because chuck (that's his name) and i were never that close he's 6 years older than me so we never had those sort of bonding moments he graduated when i was in 6th grade and i didnt even go to his graduation, or my brother bryon's for that matter. he's in college now, he's studing to be a history teacher and im so worried that he isnt coming back. what happens then? do i just go on? what do i say when people ask me how many brothers do i have? do i say i have three but one of them died? or do i just say i have 2? i guess i shouldnt be thinking about these things, i mean he hasnt left yet i shouldnt be worrying about it not now! why god! i mean my life was going fine! with the occasional teen drama of oh-he-doesnt-like me and the oh-he-likes-me-too-much and of course the im-failing-my-classes but now..i have to worry about how my mom's gonna handle this how im gonna handle it how im gonna go to school everyday wondering if my brother was shot, and if he's never coming back. just thinking about him going makes me cry. why! all i want is to know why?! why are we going to war? why now? whatever happened to world peace?! what happened? im going off on a rampage now! ahh sorry this has been really emotional well at least to me so im just gonna sign this off now

2003-01-29T15:00:00.000-05:00

Don't you ever wonder where this is going, where we are exactly? I mean, is this just the first act or is our story ended and we're just too stupid to realize it?

2003-01-29T14:59:00.001-05:00

Do you really love me though? Because I'm 15 years old and I go through every day of my life thinking that nobody loves me.

2003-01-29T14:59:00.000-05:00

I'm the girl guys are friends with, not the girl guys date.

and i like it like that

2003-01-29T14:54:00.000-05:00

Krispy Kreme Donuts wedding cakes are becoming the hot, new thing at weddings this season. Not coincidentally, so are Size 27 wedding dresses

2003-01-29T14:46:00.001-05:00

I miss dinosaurs. Let's do something about that.

2003-01-29T14:46:00.000-05:00

Blind people think they're so cool.

2003-01-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

I HATE SCHOOL I CANT EVEN VIEW MY WEBSITE!!!! GRRR...I CAN POST BUT I CANT VIEW IT! IS THAT SCREWY TO ANYONE ELSE WHY AM I STILL WRITTING IN CAPS? there thats better! yay!

2003-01-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

hi yell! dude im in school right now computer yay! yeah..right. it's 2:59. i was wondering something i wonder if a baby could eat another baby i asked some people that and some people just thought i was this crazy weirdo but then some were like well how old are the babies? do they have teeth? then i said i was thinking about a 2 year old eating a 3 month old because they really wouldnt be able to fight back. so adam answered me by saying any mother that leaves a 3-month-old baby alone and it gets eaten she gets what she deserves. then nate said i think so but you would have to force it to eat it because a baby would just eat another baby without haveing someone forcing it to because they dont have good teeth. so yeah my friends are too smart and think too logically about that but yeah. again last night i walked home with adam and nate and basically the conversation consisted of me not turning into a lesbian, nate and gay men, adam not being able to listen to dashboard because he wasnt in a good mood, how im a narcisist because i think everyone loves me, about my boyfriends and how i should have them checked for stds, and nate impersonation a punk drum and then an emo drum. good times, good times.

consider the moment the time and place right now, for once in my life i think ive got things figured out

sorry had a sudden twirpse outburst there

just what's so wrong with holding on? JUST. WHAT'S SO WRONG?! so many words that never left my lips dreams dropping on fingertips

damn it! that was GI that time im just so bored ooh yay! 6 minutes! whoo hoo! yeah annie and i are going to the card shop after school which is good because all the guys fawn over us because we are like the only girls that ever go in there. it's a great self-esteem builder you have a bad day, go to the card shop and feel so cool! yeah okay i find the good in everything

2003-01-25T17:26:00.000-05:00

hey y'all here i am writing to you on a boring cold dreary saturday afternoon. im tired but i want to do something i want to go to the show they have tonight but my mom is thinking about it and it starts at seven and since it's this late (it's like 5:30 here) i highly doubt im going. which i totally dont understand okay yeah i was stupid once and i got into some car with boys. but i learned my lesson not to do that!! or anything else that stupid. it's not like im out doing drugs drinking beer having sex with who knows how many guys so it's not like im doing any of that stuff so why should i have to suffer for the one mistake i made under the influence of someone who had a major impact on my life and my decisions. grr im just gonna post the song i was gonna post haha

And the morning light was breaking
Slowly moving across the bed
He gets up without her waking
To the voices in his head

Through the shadows in the hallway
To the room they painted blue
And on the inside he is frightened
At a loss for what to do

Until he opens up his eyes
And the angels all look down

Even closer than this life
Closer than your faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

And he knows his life is changing
It's never easy letting go
For the first time you are mortal
As the child before you grows
And he wonders at the sight
Of the joy that he has found

Even closer than this life
Closer than your faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

And what would you intend to find?
Solitude? Your peace of mind?
Holding out for something less
Than touching the hand of God?

Even closer than this life
Closer than this faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

Closer than this life
Closer finally
Living for the only thing
You ever made complete
Oh, for the one thing
That you both did perfectly

that is such a great song and the thing is no one knows it! but i love it if anyone wants to download it it's called closer by better than ezra

2003-01-20T21:47:00.000-05:00

hey! i had a great day today! hahahaha just thinking about it cracks me up! okay so at like around 1 i went downtown and my friends and all we went and did trigger happy tv (if you dont know trigger happy is like a british jackass only 10 times better, they just go arougn doing stupid things like on a giant cell phone it rings and then he just yells HELLO???? and carries out his conversation yelling like so many people do while talking on cell phones) okay so we went to the downtown mall and we just did weird things we got jelly bellys for like 1.50 when it's like seven bucks for a pound so yeah and then we went outside and i just stop and say i need to dance then we all join it was great. then we went into had a mini cart race and then followed some amish people around then we went and bought some medical face masks yeah then we danced again and i did that cell phone thing but the only thing was that they didnt get it on tape *silently crys* but...it's...alright *stops crying* so it was a great day it ended with rehersal so it was great

2003-01-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

im sitting here at the computer and i decided it would be fun to unsnap the buttons on my shirt and then rebutton them so i did but on the last button i couldn't get it to snap and all the while im thinking why is this so hard? it's a freaking snap button! and the i remembered a movie i watched today "i am sam" and i was thinking this is what it's like for people like him in his condition everyday they have a task and they might think why cant i do this? why? and it just puts things in perspective for me. i mean i may not be able button up my shirt for 2 minutes and it was just the top button but these people with disabilities do things like that everyday and they have jobs and they do things just like any "normal" person does. So from now on i have a new respect for people with disabilities because they deserve respect!

2003-01-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

sometimes i wonder what are we here for are we here for other peoples amusement? because if so i am doing one crappy job at it! all my friends are hilarious and can make me laugh at the drop of a hat but even when i make them laugh i still dont feel like im making them half as happy as they made me. odd thought come to me i dunno why. yeah my msn nick name for the moment is do you love me tho? because im 15 years old and everyday of my life i go around thinking no one loves me. and all these ppl are like I LOVE YOU even colin who i have never met before but i have heard him and damn does he have a nice voice mmm mmm mmm! haha those accents get me everytime...i think it's the inner elizabeth bennet in me. I really think i was born in the wrong country and in the wrong century. I mean yeah im happy with all the rights i have and everything but i wish i lived in england for the accents and if it was a hundred or two hundred years ago, i would have been courted! and how marvelous that would be. I seriously think that romance is dying out and the guys that are romantic are either gay or not interested in me.